Been really down on luck these few weeks or months, with less than 3 phone calls i got regarding job interviews etc despite sending out more than 20 applications. Finally understand how tough the market is right now. I cant help but wonder why are my applications being rejected time and time again. Is my degree not good enough? or is my resume not impressive enough? Without a doubt, this is causing me lose confidence in myself. Suddenly, a person who had been so self confident in the past feeling so inferior about himself. Everything that i do these days, i cant help but question myself repeatedly whether this is correct or not. I am so lack of confidence that i hesitate speaking up even though i feel strongly against things or i have some burning questions. This is so unlike the me back in year 1 or year 2, where i am one of the most vocal in classes during discussions.
Even as i get the interviews, i attended it in fear. I am so unsure about myself, that i think i blew my chance yet again. This is a vicious cycle that i must find a way to stop it. Saying it is easy, but doing it is not. Now i can only pray real hard that my luck will turn for the better these coming weeks.
Saw this on the newspaper today..and it sort of explain the kind of situation i am experiencing now: on the verge of ending my 15 years of studies after the exams on th 29th and at the same time moving aimlessly into the uncertain future. The room behind the door i am about to open appears to be so empty and lonely....something which i hate and fear....i dread closing this schooling chapter of my life.
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