Starting line of the next lap

Concluded my 15 years of studies yesterday when i finish my one and only paper. Unlike previous semesters, i dun really feel particularly excited nor happy about it. Maybe like i mentioned before, its due to the uncertainty the next phase of my life presents. But maybe i should also see it from another perspective, that is to enjoy every moment i can because life is short and anything can just happen.

If you ask me if i will miss school or miss my friends, i dun really know how to answer this. Been through so many separations through these years, in secondary school, JC, army and every time everyone had to move on with their own life, we will be sitting down saying how much we will miss the place and the company together, and sometimes pple get emotional about it. Some friendships i had in university are precious, something that i hope can last, but i am trying not to go down the path i use to travel, by putting zillions of hopes and expectations because having too high expectations will lead to extremely high disappointment if things dun turn out the way u want it. But no matter what, guess i will still put in my best efforts to maintain them, just hope that i wun be disappointed at the end...will it be different this time round? we shall see....But come to think back on these, everyone can still meet up after graduating. It is just the amount of effort one put in to make things happen. And that is really the test of a friendship to see if it can be one that last forever.

Been getting lots of comments from pple on me being too kan chiong, not relaxed, too paranoid for my last paper in NTU, saying that since i had S/U it, i shouldnt be so uptight about it. To me, i feel that it is not a matter of whether you have S/U the module and therefore you should relax or not. But it is rather about putting in the best efforts for everything you do. I am a person who will put in 100% effort in doing things if i decide to do it. I S/U the paper because i do not want to take any risks but that does not mean that i should slack and neglect the paper. That is just not me. At the end of the day, i think whatever one does, he/she answers to him/herself. As long as you can pass the standards u set for yourself, then fine, just do whatever that suits you.

As for jobs application, went for an interview today and i stunned myself during the interview by giving replies that not only shocked the interviewers but also myself. When being asked on a hypothetical question, i replied "is this a trick question?" almost immediately when he asked it. I dun understand why i said that at that moment, but that is the biggest mistake you can make during an interview. On the question on what i thought are the traits of those in the post should possess, i actually mentioned that the person should not be ambitious...super omg, because the interviewer sort of gave a disgusted look and mentioned, "so i am such a non-ambitious person"...haiz..should have think deeper and give some more well phrased replies. There are many more times during the interview where i gave some incoherent replies..somehow, the replies i gave at the interview today are just so shocking..so off form...i really stunned myself today....when will the job come? some more things happened today which adds more stress on me needing to secure a job soon..

Worries aside, i am getting excited abt the aussie trip next week and family trip to hk mid may...must enjoy these moments of freedom while i can...

Absolutely inspiring.........

Was introduced to this song by Lionel today in school and it turn out to be one of the most inspiring performance i had seen. In fact, this song moved me to tears and i had watched it like almost 3 times today. Yup..if you have been catching up with the latest in showbiz, you will know this...Its the performance by Susan Boyle on the 2009 series of "Britain's Got Talent", which was only aired less than a week ago and though it was uploaded on YouTube for like 4 days, it had garnered almost 6 million views.

She performed the song "I Dreamed a Dream" from the musical Les Misérables

"I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high

And life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used

And wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung

No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

As they turn your dream to shame.

And still I dream he'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms

We cannot weather...

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

so different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed

The dream I dreamed."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY&feature=related

If you read the lyrics of this song, you will find that it is actually a rather sad song, about someone having a dream but being dashed. But when Susan performed this song, she managed to bring out another side of the story...an inspiring one. The song she performed seems to echo her life thus far, at an age of 47 and having a dream to be a professional singer since young. Even as she knows her age and looks cannot bring her far in the showbiz industry, she remain undeterred by any obstacles, and stood tall in this theatre of dreams to pursue her dreams. In the end, she made an astonishing and stunning performance that awe everyone, including me.

Initially, when she started singing, i was wondering if they had used the wrong tape with the original singing, because the singing is just so perfect and nice. And yes..totally agree that this is a wake up call for everyone, never judge a book by its cover...never judge someone by his/her looks....

Yup..so this song sort of uplift my mood tremendously and i am totally inspired by it..i will overcome all odds and continue to live my dreams...nothing shall stop me.

live the dream you dreamed.....

Uncertainty....

Been really down on luck these few weeks or months, with less than 3 phone calls i got regarding job interviews etc despite sending out more than 20 applications. Finally understand how tough the market is right now. I cant help but wonder why are my applications being rejected time and time again. Is my degree not good enough? or is my resume not impressive enough? Without a doubt, this is causing me lose confidence in myself. Suddenly, a person who had been so self confident in the past feeling so inferior about himself. Everything that i do these days, i cant help but question myself repeatedly whether this is correct or not. I am so lack of confidence that i hesitate speaking up even though i feel strongly against things or i have some burning questions. This is so unlike the me back in year 1 or year 2, where i am one of the most vocal in classes during discussions.

Even as i get the interviews, i attended it in fear. I am so unsure about myself, that i think i blew my chance yet again. This is a vicious cycle that i must find a way to stop it. Saying it is easy, but doing it is not. Now i can only pray real hard that my luck will turn for the better these coming weeks.

Saw this on the newspaper today..and it sort of explain the kind of situation i am experiencing now: on the verge of ending my 15 years of studies after the exams on th 29th and at the same time moving aimlessly into the uncertain future. The room behind the door i am about to open appears to be so empty and lonely....something which i hate and fear....i dread closing this schooling chapter of my life.